but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
