its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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