Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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