Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
