you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
