the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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