I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
