I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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