even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
