why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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