I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize