Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
