I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
