Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
