WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
COCAINE IS GR8
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
