I'm so fucking centered right now
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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