Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
