Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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