My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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