I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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