I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
