On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
