talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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