dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
