She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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