I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
