So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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