I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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