Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
