You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
