Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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