I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my sisters under your porch take her home
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
