True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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