Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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