I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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