she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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