I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
