I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
