We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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