you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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