You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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