She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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