You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize