areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you win again, gameday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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