Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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