Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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