You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
