The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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