Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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