You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
