I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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