i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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