He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
