i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
