These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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