hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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