just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
