can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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