My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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