My liver just broke up with me...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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