I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
