Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
