He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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