Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
