I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize