Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
