What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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